Adults as broken children and what we now think is true love.
Each of us deserve to find the love of our lives, but we do have to love our selves first to attract what you deserve. I can truly help you to break these patterns. Below are just some of the subjects we may need to address in our time together.

This is a list of many questions and informational answers about love and childhood patterns that quite often are asked of Tonya Somers during her readings. Of course these are not the answers for each of you, but they are pretty common answers/issues and questions. I can truly reach in and clear all of these issues/memories out of your aura within a healing session.

However, everyone in the world should have an aura cleansing/chakra balancing, and if you do this with me, I will teach you to do it yourself everyday.

Why do I keep dating someone like my Father or Mother?
When we first start dating, we usually attract a partner that has the same issues that have gone unanswered about why our most dysfunctional parent was the way they were when we were young. We tend to marry them, or partner up someone with the exact problem, so we can learn about that parent. Who in their right mind wants to marry someone exactly like their parent they had problems with anyway? I can help you stop attracting the same issues.

Are you a broken child/adult/child?
There is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child – I told my daughter when she was 12 years old and stomping off "You should start a journal on what I have done wrong during your early years; it will save you thousands of dollars in your 30’s in therapy. You can just flip pages, and say "Ah ha. That was the day, my mom messed me all up, and it all went wrong!"

Many of us are so damaged from our childhood upbringing, that when we start dating as (supposed) adults, we tend to attract/date/marry an exact image of the bad personality trait of the parent we never understood while we were little kids. It confused us as young children, and we still wonder "Why is my dad or mom acting like that? Why do they treat me and each other this way?" So we seek those answers, or should I say our lessons, unfortunately from our chosen mates.

When you wonder those questions at this young age, you actually seal your future dating fate. At that exact moment you made a decision at let’s just say 5 years old, when you said to yourself “I will never marry/date someone like that,” right then and there you unknowingly stated your future subconsciously, so that when you grow up you will do just that.

Granted, we are just children when we make that decision, and we should not be held accountable for that. Holy cow, we were only around 5 years old! This is unfair! Why do I keep dating someone that will always disappoint me? The simple answer is this: that 5 year old child that still lives inside you, made that decision on how to relate and act within an adult relationship.

How scary is that? I bet you didn’t know that you as a 5 year old (or so) are doing all the attracting of that wrong person did you? Now you are thinking, aren’t you?

What we saw as young children we tend to bring into our adult relationships. Until we see that we are playing out that old movie of our minds, we can not recognize a great relationship, or how to make one work, or to see we have a great partner. This takes patience and lots of inner reflection to see what you are doing wrong. Again, I can help you to see your patterns.

Most of us need to go to the right therapist, or work with someone like me on these subjects, to help you see what you really need in your life and deserve.

If you are lucky enough to find the right person, never take real love for granted. If you find it, work hard at it. The grass is not always greener on the other side; sometimes you just need to water your own yard, and nourish the love you have now in your life.

A great exercise to help you figure yourself out:
Get a journal. Make 3 columns for each person in your past. Make 3 columns for each person in your life – good traits – bad traits – how they interact in their day-to-day lives, outside of home and inside the home with the family.

Do this for your mom, your dad, each of your prior lovers. Now your turn – write all about you, same columns, be honest - what are your patterns? Have a friend help you to see yourself. Circle the common factors in each person and in yourself…now you see your patterns. Once you see them you must work daily to get past them.

Why can’t I find someone as great as my Father or Mother as my mate?
If you are one of the blessed lucky children that had wonderful parents, you may tend to trust too easy and want to believe everyone is like them. This is not always true, and you could be easily fooled. Be careful and take your time.

Why do I have communication issues with my mate and children?
Do you talk at your partner instead of communicating with her or him? A perfect way to find out is to try this: go into a bathroom and look in a mirror. Say the words to yourself that you were just going to say/yell at your mate, or child, to yourself while looking in the mirror. Use the tone of voice you were going to use at them, and see how you feel. Did you get a stomach ache? Did you want to cry? Should you say those words? No. Let it go.

Why do I keep dating/attracting someone that always disappoints me? Why do I attract married people or cheaters in general?
If you truly do not want a real love partner in your life, you will set yourself up to date replaceable people. You will both know at the beginning that this has a time limit and it will end. You both look for this and set it up from the beginning, and you will both not want to commit for too long.

Many of us say we want love, but we do not really want to give up our personal space and control or independence.

Crazy-Makers:
You may be wondering what I mean by the term “Crazy-maker?” Many of you have dated this type of person; you could have been raised by one or had a boss at work or coworker that is impossible to deal with. They want to change you, to mold you into a partner with low self-esteem, who will never leave them. They will berate you, and beat you down, so you do not think you can do any better than them. I have seen many people literally die to get out.

Usually the mate they choose (you) will actually be smarter than they are; more educated, come from a better or different back ground; MAKE NO MISTAKE! They are with you to literally BREAK YOU down, all the way.

The term is pretty simple and self explanatory--these people will truly make you crazy! They will make you doubt your own sanity. If you are with anyone who makes you start thinking that you are always wrong, and you begin to doubt yourself, and your own opinion, or the way you live your life, they are a crazy-maker. First figure out the lesson they brought you, then RUN AWAY FAST!

Most the time, crazy making is done just verbally and through their “mean” actions, like blaming you all the time. Crazy-makers are extremely narcissistic. (Read below)

If you are starting to doubt YOU or how you live your life; if you are feeling unsure of your choices, developing depression; then they are winning! Stop the game! Run for the hills--live your life again!

Why can’t I meet someone?
Do you look people in the eye? Do you put yourself in positions where there are single people? Do you flirt? Do you go out? Do you really want to? Are you willing to do the work? Are you willing to kiss the frogs?

Where is the perfect mate? I say pick your dysfunction!
Uh, NOT ON THIS PLANET! There is not a perfect man or woman – you will never find everything in one person. This is why we need to have friends and hobbies, so that we do not need to be so dependent on one person to make us happy and complete. We should be a bonus to each other in our love relationships, not a drain. If not, they may be the wrong person, or you two need to go to therapy and work on this together.

We all know a drama queen or king! The problem is sometimes they are addicted to trauma. It is as bad as drugs and alcohol. Usually they come from a home where they did not get the proper love and attention. If you are one, and are never happy with anything or anyone, do not cheat on your mate! We can work on this together in a healing session. But you will need to watch yourself forever to make sure you are not acting too quickly in all situations in your daily life.

Why do I attract liars or cheaters?
Look at yourself, do you deserve this? Is this a lesson? Are you one of them? Do you feel guilty about something? If this is true, then maybe do some community services or charity work. Give of yourself so you can forgive you.