DECEMBER 2007

Why do women stay too long
and what is closure?

We do all have our childhood issues that we need to deal with along the way into our adulthood. We all need work; we are all building blocks; we are all raised by dysfunctional parents, all of us. Work on yourself so that you can attract the love you deserve and remember love takes a lot of time and work.

Why women stay too long? Why men don't see that women are not happy.
When women are not happy, they tend too stay long, the answer is simple, women don't like to quit easily, that is why we have the babies, we tend to forget pain quickly and stay and exist on the outside but we die on the inside.

When a woman no longer wants to have sex with her mate it is because her heart and emotions have been betrayed somehow. So many ways a woman can feel betrayed, but the main one is they are not getting their emotional needs met. Men quite often leave for another woman, a mid-life crisis and most the time they don't know why they are leaving.

However, men never believe we are not happy until they see our boxes and bags packed up and the apartment has been rented. Men are doers, when they see action happening, then they believe us.

When we talk about our emotions to death, all they hear is blah blah blah. But when the bags come out and they hear WE ARE MOVING ON! We are taking action, we are doers, scares them to death. They will then make promises to change right now. That usually lasts a week or two at the most, unless they really, really love you and want to change.

Love dies in so many ways, here are just a few:

• Not listening to their needs or just communicate in general.
• When one partner feels the other is like another child to them.
• One just doesn't know how to be a real partner.
• One of you is acting out your parents marriage.
• Lack of money & lack of responsibility.
• They feel last on the list of importance.
• If the man is verbally or physically abusive - no woman will want to have sex with this man - woman make love with their emotions and head first, bodies second - most men are mostly about the body when it comes to sex, it is not the same for a woman
• When a woman feels that she has an enemy in her bed, she shuts off.
• I am seeing that many marriages are falling apart nowadays from Internet porn, this does not making a wife feel confident to be with their man, it ruins their self esteem, usually slowly.
• Step-kids& Ex's - I always suggest have 2 phone lines - one that your mate deals with their EX and kids on - you never answer it
• Loss of romance, should always have a weekly date night
• One of the partners has depression issues
• Habitual lying - this is when the person doesn't even know they lie, they convince themselves they are telling the truth
• Grow apart, instead of together
• Different spiritual paths
• Nothing in common anymore
• Addictions: alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, video / computer games
• One loses a lack of luster or faith in life in general
• Not wanting to be a failure again
  

The ending of love and no closure
Our we really mourning and missing that specific person, have we just not moved on? Are we mourning the relationship we thought we had? Not the one that was actually there?

When relationships end, people want closure. What is it anyway? What makes us think we deserve it or have earned it, where does this idea come from?

Closure is usually just people being mean to each other actually telling each other the truth or lies anyway about why they don't want to be with you anymore. NOT FUN

I can only say this one way: "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CLOSURE!" You can keep trying to get it, but you won't like what you hear, because closure is never a fun thing. Just try and just move on. It is not easy but please find a way to laugh and live.

Most of all keep looking for love, you will find it, we all do, but you need to work on yourself and the relationship you find, nothing comes easy. Love is work but the PAYOFF is so worth it.

Tonya Somers
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